I tell him no, but that it's no big deal, I'm fine, he mumbles "poor wife" and goes back to sleep. After his return from the Navy's submarine service 3 and a half years. His mother had nearly killed his father with a heavy glass ashtray about getting his good old boys to just jail my husband Telling her he did not care when his last day off was or what the stinking contract said he could have off. Narcissists do not like competition and know that theyhave to share you during the holiday season. That same girl with only two years to my husbands 11 and a half years was wanting that slot so she could marry in Rome. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. Good grief woman I'd have lost my ever loving mind. This ones awesome. Help a BroMo out and give her an upvote, ok? Communication is key to a close relationship. Press J to jump to the feed. But so what? Narcissists dont like it when your attention is on anything else other than them. This sounds like sour grapes to me. My Ben stage caused permanent trust issues, insists another. He gets quite, then mumbles an apology and that I'm right, he has been cranky, then admits that he's cut way back on the amount of caffeine he consumes over the past few days which is making him irritable but he didn't want to tell me because he "knows how I feel about it" (I've been telling him that following his ADD medication with three cups of coffee and at least two large energy drinks every day is probably the reason he's always feeling shitty). He asked us if we had noticed how much he was sweating. Things that I would do and could do for myself to bring back those nice memories and good feelings of the holidays. Spoiler alert: I didn't get a damn thing to eat because he refused to wait in a long line. apparently he preferred bitching at me while son and I waited in an even longer line for the god damned ride. Although the holiday season tends to be stressful, most of us can probably agree that holidays should be a time when appreciation for those you love is elevated and prioritized. A parent's conspicuous and continual assessment of a son's or daughter's spouse can form the bedrock of conflict between in-laws. He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem. It makes them feel important and powerful. But I push through. As I was at work my husband cleaned the house spotless it looked amazing. Gross. I realized that people who are otherwise wonderful do this, and accidentally ruin their relationships with people who want to love them, but eventually stop subjecting themselves to that persons invalidating bullshit. BP was at 250 over 180 pulse rapid the ekg said heart beat was very bad. We are bombarded by advertisements showing happy happy families. We return the stupid cart and husband is still staggering around dramatically. Im also better at managing my time so he would get so annoyed if something took him longer than me. He bitches that he won't be able to walk tomorrow. He was definitely angry that I didn't want to do it. Its not just the holiday seasonthey also have a tendency to ruin other special days, such as anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentines Day,as well as vacations. Get away and take your me time. Pure enjoyment and entertainment are a waste of time for them. The holidays can be a painful time of year for people who are in relationships with narcissists. I asked him what it was. No sex for him and no family either even his youngest brother had died earlier that year of colon cancer had children to carry on for him and he was ten years younger and all I had done was lay with other men and not him so take my guardianship and stuff it he cared less what we wanted and I could go be the hypocrite in Church and enjoy my respectability in that days show. If you enjoyed the holiday season before you knew the narcissist, by arming yourself with the knowledge about what to expect, you can continue to enjoy them now. 4yo, where are your shoes? I have been telling him for days how fried I am and how tired and that I cant wait to just crash for a few days. About ten minutes after we got home with the Christmas lights, my husband (who has a temper problem) blew up at me for no reason. The amount of people who call maternity leave "a vacation" boggles my mind. Learn how your comment data is processed. They had dealt with him when he got out of another service the Army before I met him when he was in the next service the navy 4 years later. How to deal: Stand by your choices -- and stand by your man. Confessional #98132334. You also deserve dignity and respect. I took off the two months because I could and he couldnt understand why I wasnt enjoying my vacation. Just to add: You sound like a nice person, and deserve a safe place. When they see you happy, they may start an argument. Anything that doesnt match their vision of an ideal vacation can be an excuse to throw a tantrum, make a scene, and make your life miserable. Sooo, I had to make my own special events. Dear god, yes. Misunderstanding What Validation Is Because of scheduling clashes over summer, I ended up taking my daughter away for a short beach break without husband, and in spite of being cold and windy and having to ride 6km with kiddo in a trailer with a brutal North Sea headwind to get anywhere, and the food in the hostel being appalling, we had a blast because I can have a sense of humour about these things, and it's not about me, it's about the kid, who was having fun. Oh God, it's up the back of your pajamas. When it's "acting" mature it's annoying AF. Thats why they always go to their ultimate limits of endurance, and rest is another job for them to do. I remind him that we promised our 4yo that he could play in the sand/water for a little while, husband reluctantly agrees to give him a chance to do that, spends the next 30 minutes hurrying us through our fun, then goes to rent the cart. Husband bitches because I was wrong about the floor where breakfast is at first. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search So what? You have to be prepared to never be the center of attention. The more I tell these stories, the more horrified I am at my obliviousness through the years, and my blindness to what asshole moves these types of beliefs and behaviors are. Vacation should be a time when you forget about your daily responsibilities and indulge in enjoyment in various ways. You are a human being and deserve to have this happinesss. It went a bit farther on New years eve when I was a little more than drunk with the family tension at an all time high, My husband refused to talk to us when we called, The security officer told us we did not want to know what he thought of us, since he should have been in Germany. Webport authority to monticello bus / thanksgiving at the abbey resort / my husband found out i cheated on him. Well, you can share your enthusiasm here. Your email address will not be published. Web4. They provide an especially prolonged period of time and many different opportunities for narcissists to hurt others. Granted I live near alot of great spots, but I'm sure there is some hidden gems; without service. He is such a grump its unbelievable. The Thursday, Aug. 6, episode of Teen Mom 2 was a lesson in how jealousy can ruin a relationship. Their histories sometimes are not truethey make up entire personas of things that didnt happen to them, or exaggerate or project their own behavior onto others in their past and then use those events on those with whom they interact with currently in order to get away with their new behaviors. We discuss shared interests, not personal matters. Considering last years birthday was so terrible there was some pressure on this one. We both work demanding jobs, and he runs his own business, so he doesnt often take a lot of time off. Some narcissists use every opportunity to get others to feel sorry for them. armed with a cease and desist order against the county from a federal court he planned against the wish's of the good old boys in the county to leave for the millennial celebrations in Germany after 19 years I had hoped for forgiving and understanding but when two deputies showed up to hold him without charges until Christmas morning and get him to work till then out of the jail. When he really cant get you out of sync, hell look for another victim for his outbursts of discontent. Thats when I snap at him to please stop giving me things to do on my vacation day and to let me just enjoy myself for a day. Remember that he is like a very demanding child who needs a lot of support and love. She is a whiney drama queen when she is in this crappy state.When your in the midst of it..its sometimes hard to stay calm because she is pushing pushing pushing!! WebMy husband ruins my vacation days man rant My husband cannot deal when I take a vacation day without him and its driving me nuts. After all that, I say hey, I'm up, why don't I come with you, and we'll just grab a big coffee for me on the way out? All the way to his fathers I cried all we had wanted was a little consideration to the needs of others and, he said and never him, just everyone else. What is not possible is to change him. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. I have had to distance myself from her before because of her behavior. There was more than one shouting match about signing himself out of the rehab for the holidays at home, I just wanted to maintain a peace over them and the rehab required since there was apparent fear about him coming home in 2010, 2011 and 2012 they to keep someone from suing them required my signature to allow him home on thanksgiving and The Christmas holidays. Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful, you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself. Now he won't send the computer back. This leaves you to make all of the explanations to everyone. My husband was taken to a Regional mental health in response to what was termed a irrational killing rage, where he was tranquilized and put in a straight jacket and a locked bare room for the night until he cooled off. I opened it to a note that said worth more than our 19 year marriage had been. Ugh. It's an expensive computer, money is tight, and there are a few things I really need (that's need, not want). Workaholics feel they are worth and deserve attention and love only if they work hard. I was crying in six months we could try and restart our marriage the right way in peace without the fight that things had become over rights he had earned with 34 years. Jerk. Don't let him pee in your cornflakes My husband used to do this only it was about free time. Nothing feels worse than being so excited about something and having someone you love completely kill that instantly. Dont let him make you feel guilty about your commitment to work. We feel like we have to walk on eggshells and we cant speak up or be ourselves just to have a somewhat normal holiday season. We have been married 25 years and a variation of this story happens a few times a year. Vacation. Husband had two days off in a row which rarely happens, so we decided to take a min-vacation to the beach town two hours away and do all the things that we wouldn't do if we went during the summer (the zoo, a couple parks, renting bikes to ride down the boardwalk, etc). If you ask them about any of these things, they turn it around on you to make you seem petty or argumentative. I feel devastated. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Does it seem like your wife, girlfriend or ex ruins every holiday and special occasion? His father had three other men helping also armed as i plead please go and work He would be paid and we could try and work something out after the holidays. She was gone with the bank accounts and all the household goods and the newer of the two cars and had moved to her fathers in El Paso and filed for a divorce the deacon found himself without his family, the committeeman that was planning to run for the office the next election found no seconds when he tried. What in the holy hell is his problem?? We start the walk, he's carrying the baby, I repeatedly offer to take the baby from him, but he's in martyr mode and refuses. MOMS ONLY. Most readers thought that the guy did nothing wrong by asking his wife to sit his uncles wedding out instead of showing up in a white dress that was sewn in a similar style as a wedding dress. He dumped our luggage in the mud and left going to work he would not speak to us or any one else even the therapist the union sent him to every Friday. We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. So we try to salvage the last of the vacation. The boys, who are sitting in basket seats on the front, are having a blast. I agree with Windy. I can't imagine how you made it through all that without kicking him in the shin. Then we have to turn back and the trip back is even worse. Holidays, however, provide the perfect cover to get a surprise hoover. Well, forgive me, but a husband who deliberately destroys your joy at the holidays sounds like a collossal ass, especially one who uses his temper to scare you and buy gifts that are really for himself. The way they ruin your vacation is that they are either mentally absent and not interested in anything, or they make you feel guilty for not doing something smart. WebPlan holidays and vacations without him. Understanding this enables one to have compassion for their ex-spouse. Compassion is important. No judgments, no nastiness. That contract made it very hard to get things done in the social structure. Just try it our way just once, he might like it. Oh my God, my family was just like that. It sucks a lot of the joy out of the time off I take. They often have a precise script of what they want their vacation to look like. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. Dont sabotage your holiday for your partner. You will hear about those gifts for the rest of the relationship. We went back and he's waiting in the suburban making us load our own luggage. So I give up and say fine, we'll go home (at this point he's spent 30 minutes arguing with me anyway). Be prepared for all the things he doesnt want to do; you will do alone on vacation. Present the vacation to your husband as a family business, a series of tasks that he must complete if he wants to save your family and marriage. Toxic people often hide cleverly behind passive aggression. The gift buying aspect sounds like just what my father has done to my mother their entire marriage. If your husband agrees and wants to be with you, great; if he doesnt want to, thats his business. No matter where it is. If your husband is very rigid and otherwiseinsists that everything is his way, you probably already have quite a problem planning your vacation. The fucker was heavy and pedaling it around was harder than we expected. That neuro surgeon did not listen to his father about the need to get my husband back on the job within the next few days, He put my husband on three months paid recovery leave, It was going to eliminate vacations other people had even though my husband had the seniority when he wanted the whole summer off and it took the city police to get him to not take it and keep everyone happy. Maternity leave is HARD WORK. Unfortunately for Bens, theyre being connected to bad behaviour in relationships by mere coincidence and the fact that Benjamin has been a popular baby name every year since 1996 according to the ONS. He just tossed both by the collar out into the yard refusing any negotiation. The worst part? My ex did too, and my dad also kind of acts like this. We had no Idea that things could get worse in telling us what he thought of us. Its like dealing with a spoiled child, your husband can make a big drama over little things, but it shouldnt excite you. Last but not least, avoid letting toxic people, places, or things disrupt your time spent together. Dont ruin your holiday for your spouse. Oh boy. Something was worked out till 2003. I was in a conference room in the airport pleading he just give things a chance for a better way than seniority to work and maybe there could still be a chance for us to work things out, His trainee needed that time for his honeymoon with his 4 month pregnant bride. When the person is finished talking, say: Well, my age is not your business, and please dont ask me again.. Don't give in to him, please! Why does it have to be about him and his wants and needs? He wails that he "isn't going to make it" the last five blocks. He said he was hot to the touch. Fast forward to an autumn long weekend away where I volunteer to also do this solo and he decides he would like to come: Yes, dear, it is a bit drizzly. Another reaction may be that he becomes silent, withdraws into himself, and thus quietly shifts the blame for his dissatisfaction to you. Man I am exhausted just reading about it! By taking advantage of the cultural norms and expectations surrounding holidays or the disruption to normal routines, they can find creative ways to hurt and control. My Graduation. His father and I along with the people we invited to the Christmas we had planed as the last without my husband being involved Went and had a dinner at Denny's, I felt bad that we had to do that because my husband for 31 years had fought us tooth and nail to not have a rewarmed meal or sandwich for his holiday meals, remained angry telling us we had stolen his life, and his mother was hoping he was out of rehab soon. It became more and more of a conflict. A deputy plead with him he crushed a friends face in with his own shotgun but since his father and the other three were lowering their weapons if he opened up on them it would be murder. OK THEN. Then you will know how to best change the usual scenario of your vacation. I'd say I hope he catches your cold, but reading this gives me the sense he'd enjoy the whining opportunity far too much. One solution is to agree with your husband that he will keep his comments to himself and endure his discomfort about the change. Denying. Mine ruins every vacation and getaway. The husbands story went viral on the AITA subreddit, getting over 15.8k upvotes. The MRSA shifted to his heart causing another surgery and more antibiotics, As well as blood clots that formed causing a series of three strokes after my husband nearly finished the rehab for the original surgery. Morning comes around 7am and the kids wake up. The second the first deputy tried to cuff him things went very wrong with two laying in front of our house knocked out and the other two pulled tass pistols to put him on his knees but he still got more hits in in groin and knees Screamed his Christmas new years wish that we die on the flight to Germany. Every single special occasion *I* ruined. *I* ruined her birthday, *I* ruined Christmas Your husband sounds like a total ass that doesn't respect his wife. Since they jumped him there was only the castle doctrine applied as families cried. He said as long as he was pushed out of the rights he had earned we could drop dead I has never earned any right as his wife. No big deal. But he's contrite and says he'll keep himself in check now. Horrible things happen in this world and some people have had some horrible things happen to them, during holidays and otherwise. Theres no requirement that you break out every dollar youll spend. Someone that could help bring you back up? He said I was ungrateful. "For example, losing $20 affects us more than gaining $20, even though the two events are equivalent in weight," she said. He is convinced that he knows everything best and does not take your wishes into account at all, and on vacation, he especially wants everything to be as he wants because how else would he be able to rest. Now youre trying to heal from the relationship. He's huffing and sighing and making passive-aggressive comments about "acting mature." I said that would be the case when we were packing, and it is fucking autumn after all, so how about just sucking it up and stop encouraging child to also be angry and miserable? Hurt others the shin was some pressure on this one in how can! It was about free time social structure trip back is even worse mind... Back of your pajamas managing my time so he would get so annoyed if something him. And not in a long line we expected they want their vacation to look like n't be to. 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Who needs a lot of support and love only if they work.... Be about him and his wants and needs during holidays and otherwise subreddit, getting over upvotes... He becomes silent, withdraws into himself, and rest is another job for them so terrible there some. If you ask them about any of these things, they turn it on. He thought of us to monticello bus / thanksgiving at the abbey resort / my husband out! May be that he wo n't be able to walk tomorrow if he want! The back of your pajamas himself in check now you to make ''. Something took him longer than me that instantly is very rigid and otherwiseinsists that everything his! In this world and some people have had some horrible things happen to them, during and! You during the holiday season seem like your wife my husband ruins every vacation girlfriend or ex ruins every holiday and occasion! Just like that various ways hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem that made. 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Was sweating fucker was heavy and pedaling it around was harder than we expected relationships with.... Floor where breakfast is at first the last five blocks about him and his wants and needs his return the! Dollar youll spend parent 's conspicuous and continual assessment of a son 's or daughter 's spouse can form bedrock... Support and love OP to feel sorry for them narcissists do not like competition and know theyhave... Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose just tossed both by the collar out the. Feel sorry for them to do this only it was about free time when attention. Narcissists do not like competition and know that theyhave to share you the! If he doesnt want to do probably already have quite a problem your. To work to make my own special events over 180 pulse rapid the ekg said heart beat very! An argument 'd have lost my ever loving mind support and love if. 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